Showing posts with label Grumpy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grumpy. Show all posts

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Vive La Différence

In true celebratory style, it is my month-iversary at my new (part time) job which I took on after being made redundant and, as I'm sure you are aware, leaves me time to train as a driving instructor.  To celebrate this milestone, I decided it is time for a little reflection.  I am now working for a small company rather than a messy sprawling company with fingers in several international pies so naturally comparing the two seems a good way to reflect.  Please don't consider this to be any form of career advice, if you are young, naive and looking for a job, you will find no guidance here as to the type of company you should consider.  These are simply the views of a jaded and cynical grumpy.  So lets consider a few things:


1.  Bullshit.  Right, we need some blue sky thinking here.  Let's put some ideas in the mental microwave and wait for it to ping.  Run the flag up the flagpole, see who shoots it.  I'm actually quite good at bullshit.  It's just a kind of corporate or technical waffle.  Ten years in the civil service gives you a good grounding.  In fact, in many respects, I quite like bullshit you can use it to your advantage in all sorts of situations.  What I don't like though is that poor cover up type bullshit that managers use to cover up their inadequacies.  The amount of bullshit produced is, no doubt, absolutely proportional to the size of the organisation.  After all, they do say shit floats upwards.


2.  Sycophancy.  We're at the opposite end of the scale now.  I would never do well in a large organisation because I must have been off school they day they taught sucking up.  Big company, in my experience, watch your step so you don't trip over people bowing down to management.  Smaller companies tend to work much more on an everyone getting on together kind of a way.  There's little point getting your nose brown because there isn't the structure to worm promotion in to.


3.  Camaraderie.  I've struggled over this one because the differences aren't quite so obvious.  There is the same camaraderie, in my experience, in any size company; after all we're all working towards the same common goal aren't we? (sorry slipped into bullshit then).  The only difference is in a big company there are more people to relate with and, just by simple laws of chance, there is a higher chance that there will be someone who gets so far up your nose they're wandering around in your brain.  In a big company though, you can often hide from them.  Woe betide some irritating oik in a small company - there is no escape.  Then again, perhaps my ambition could be to be that oik.


4.  Hiding.  Big company, several people doing the same thing, oodles of opportunity to use lines such as "It was him", "He told me to", "Well, I may have done, but you'll never guess what SHE did", "Maybe but at least I didn't....", "Not my responsibility".  You get the picture.  Not that I would ever slope shoulders and pass the buck of course not.  Well, maybe a little, but at least I didn't do what he did.


5.  Technology.  Sorry, I've slipped into my old life now.  Big company, usually big budget for technology.  Small company, bring your own string and baked bean can.  However, there are common issues here as well.  I remember in the eighties talk about the paperless office.  Computers and technology generate paperwork, they don't save it.  And that's true in a one man company or multinational.


6.  Money.  Again, common ground, both large and small companies will probably pay you.   However, don't expect big bucks in a small company.  Come to that, there didn't seem to be big bucks in the big companies either.


7.  Offshoring.  There are two issues here.  Firstly, small company most unlikely to transfer huge chunks of its operation to foreign parts thereby making you redundant.  And anyway, offshore for UK is only onshoring somewhere else?  Second issue, offshoring isn't a real word.  Nor is onshoring come to that (I may have just made it up, if so baggsy the copyright).  Even my spell checker underlines it with a wiggly red line.  And this is the tip of the iceberg.  Don't have a word for it?  make one up or use another word that doesn't really work.  Networking, benchmarking and, my all time anti-favourite - solutioning.


Anyhow, nothing to do with small vs big companies, but in case it has escaped your attention, we have slipped into advent.  Little over three weeks to go till the big fella slips down your chimney.  In an unnatural and unlikely state of organisation we are prepared for Christmas in the Kirby household.  That's it bragging over.  I am, however, desperately excited about Christmas this year.  Any day now it will be time to start winding the kids into a frenzy of excitement.  Then regret it several minutes later.


Finally, a cause célèbre.  I have discovered that I can create sort of sub blogs.  This means I can retire the redundancy blog just as soon as I have a title.  I'm so excited you wouldn't believe it.  I have created another blog-ette.  You may recall that I have got the bike out of the shed and started riding it.  I have created a blog that will, eventually I'm sure, waffle on about my rides and include some pictures of buildings, views and old stuff that will interest me and no-one else.  If you're masochistic enough to take a shufty, you can find it by clicking here.

That's it for today, thanks for your time, I hope this was an enhancing experience for all.  We must touch base sometime and check the methodology to circumvent the pinch points that might just disintermediate the client base and ensure we are in the right ball park.  Remember this blog is available 24/7 24/365.

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Grumpy and Proud

I am a big fan of the BBC Grumpy old series. Probably no surprise to those that know me. Even the kids bough me a Mr Grumpy Tee shirt for my birthday a year or two ago, then a Mr Grumpy toy for Christmas. Since the age of about 12 I watched them and nodded through every comment. I didn't realise it was supposed to be comedy, I thought it was a documentary. Why do I tell you this? Yesterday was signing on day. Another jolly couple of hours at the dole office

It gave me reason to give more thought as to the perfect job. You'll no doubt recall a few blogs ago I discussed my career options. They were quite sensible. After signing on yesterday, I thought I would share some thoughts on the perfect job. Consider the following conversation with Job Centre chap who had read my form declaring my efforts at getting a job:

JC "Quite a variety of jobs you've shown an interest in Mr Kirby"
Me "Mm hmm"
JC "What are you looking for?"
Me "Something interesting"
JC "What's your perfect job?"
Pause.....
Me "Yours"
JC "Really?"
Me "Yes, after all, it's probably seen more growth than any other business of late"

But it got me thinking about some other jobs I have previously considered at least for a temporary position; traffic warden, truancy officer or best of all the guy that gets evidence on benefits fraudsters - you know following and filming the invalid playing football and the like. Put simply, any job that causes misery to people that I dislike; a way to vent my spleen. I fear I wouldn't last long in any of these posts though. I would be that traffic warden watching the clock for the instant that someone goes over their time.

If you are unemployed, you will be familiar with the sheets that you record your job search activities on. You note the date, what you did and the outcome. JC noticed the jobs I was applying for but not the comment against checking the job pages of the Citizen where I wrote "Nothing of interest, the job pages are about as good as the editorial".

Still, I took the conversation on to a different level:
Me "Actually I have a job now. Well not yet"
JC "So you need to sign off"
Me "Not yet, don't start until 23rd November and it's only for a month"
JC "You'll have to sign off and after the job finishes you'll have to sign back on but you can do a fast track renewal"
Me "Is it any quicker than a normal application"
JC "No".
It appears that if you do any temporary work over 16 hours in any one week you have to sign off then back on again every week you aren't working. It's a bit of a faff and I'm sure designed to piss you off so much you won't bother so there will be less people officially unemployed. Not me, Oh no, you won't get rid of me that easily. I will doggedly pursue my right to be a government statistic.

However, my friendly, honest JobCentre Plus adviser did agree that the government don't help people that want to get back to work. He's right.

Anyway, the good news, I have an interview tomorrow for a part time-ish job in Hucclecote where the job description is just for some bloke to come and do stuff in the office for 25 hours a week. I can do that. It's got to be better than signing on.